methodology flash cards
silent way
I love films, writing, little things and big ideas. I get way ahead of myself.
A wise lady once told me that there is nothing but love and fear. If it’s not love, than anything else (anger, depression, etc.) is just a manifestation of fear. I wasn’t sure what I was afraid of, though I could imagine on some level that facing reality without the insulation of food in one’s belly could seem scary. Or, the insulation of extra pounds. Maybe it’s scary to lose those few extra pounds. Because then what would I obsess over? Maybe it’s my own ambitions that are frightening.
Overall, I cried a lot throughout the week. Yes, just having no solid food to eat could be reason enough to shed tears, but clearly that wasn’t it, because I felt really good physically, and not hungry. What I felt was an unfamiliar and uncomfortable sense of… sobriety. Like I wanted to reach for a blanket to hide under, but there was no blanket (figuratively). I wondered if this was remotely akin to what a heroin addict feels while in rehab.
It seems very natural that people (and animals) just want to be free, and when we’re ordered around or constrained, it generally induces anxiety and resentment. So where is the happy medium? At thirty-five years old, I should be able to calmly self-regulate what I put in my mouth, right? It’s all up to me, and with so many choices. My brain and my heart had long known that a juice fast would be really good for me. But any time I had imposed on myself a sentence of juice-only at home, I didn’t even last a full day.
There is a tendency for some people (myself apparently one of them) to form addictions and attachments to food (and I’m talking food of the solid, chewable variety). Recognizing this is easier when you put yourself in an environment where there is no food but meanwhile there is ample fresh, organic juice to keep you from going hungry, as well as all sorts of other comforts and nothing to be stressed out about.